Thursday, March 12, 2009

Seeing the Needs under Feelings

In our Non Violent Communication class tonight, we practiced seeing the needs that underlie feelings. When needs go unmet, negative feelings arise; when met, feelings are positive.

Knowing this about feelings provides a useful way to get "unstuck" when feelings get sticky.

Look for unmet needs under negative feelings and ask what might be done to meet them.

8 comments:

Delwyn said...

Last night lying in bed waiting for Morpheus to arrive I suddenly thought, "I haven't posted my blessings!" and was upset that I had let the practice slip but here I am now with a little quote I picked up as a way of doing penance...


Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance,
chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast,
a house into a home,
a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past,
brings peace for today,
and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~ Melody Beattie

And I think for tonight that I am very grateful to Melody Beattie for that reminder of the power of thinking 'Yes I am fortunate...'

Dan Gurney said...

Wow! Delwyn, that's a lovely poem. It expresses how gratitude transforms one's experience for the better. Thank you for sharing it here. I'd never heard of Melody Beattie before, and I'm thankful to have met her with this poem.

Katherine said...

Unmet needs = a life presently out of balance

1. Dan, to you, for your commitment to post about gratitude.

2. To buses, and new friends, and lively trips combining the two.

3. To my country, and its journey towards full bi-culturalism. If we succeed (and it's looking good) we will be the only country in the world to have two different cultures living harmoniously and respectfully side-by-side.

vickie said...

i have been doing a bit of reading on non violent communication over at the mindful parent and finding it incredibly inspiring in dealing with my children, it seems so easy for impatience to spring forth....i am going to think about meeting needs all weekend!

Dan Gurney said...

Katherine, I have long admired New Zealand, from the time many years ago when I first read books by Sylvia Ashton Warner. Now you say you're successfully becoming bi-cultural and my admiration is growing. Kudos to NZ.

Dan Gurney said...

Vickie, thanks for chiming in. Are you Vickie, as in Doree's mom? Thanks for sharing about the mindful parent web page. I visited it and like what I see there and will be back for more exploration. It looks like lots of good stuff!

Alden said...

This is an interesting idea - someone said that "to know all is to love all and to love all is to forgive all" I guess in the 'knowing' we understand the issues and dynamics that motivate consciously and unconsciously to do the things they do.

Dan Gurney said...

Alden, yes. Feelings are, of course, very transitory, but can cast a spell on us and seem very solid, very real. But they're simply the RESULT of needs met or unmet. When you can see the connection between feelings and needs, you can see your needs, and then do something useful.