In our group discussion of Thich Nhat Hahn's book, we talked about how paying non-judgmental attention to something—anything—always warms your heart to the object of your attention.
For example, if you begin to pay close attention to one baseball team, sooner or later you will become a fan of that team. (Years ago, my son did this with the Detroit Tigers when they were the worst team in baseball.)
But this heart-warming effect of clear-eyed attention works with even the most mundane object. A crumpled piece of paper will do.
One way to really pay attention to something is to draw a good picture of it.
Watch this video, and see how paying attention warms the heart, even to a crumpled up scrap of paper.
Now, imagine how you might benefit from paying attention to someone you love.